Build Your Team

I had a meeting with my little girl’s teacher and some of the staff at her school the other day. She is having some issues academically and socially and the point of the meeting was to compare notes on her behavior in school, home, and everywhere in between.

One thing that was important to me, was to make sure her school was clear that they were not just meeting with her parent. They were meeting with her team.

I had both my mother, a former employee with the state educators’ association, and my cousin, an educator who tutored my daughter over the summer, join the call. They were both able to offer information and ask questions that I wouldn’t have known to ask.

It did something to me to see the screen filled with older white women on their end. To be able to have just as many educated Black women on my side speaking on my daughter’s behalf filled my heart with joy.

It is so important that these schools, and the world in general, knows that my babies specifically, and our babies in general, have people in their corner rooting them on and ready to defend them at all costs. They need to know that our children are protected and loved.

If you haven’t already, craft an educational team for your child. These should be people who have your same goals in mind as it pertains to your child’s education. Include them on whatever plans you have to improve your child’s skills so that when your children are not with you, there will not be a lapse in their progress.

Husband, Wife, or Marriage?

In Married at First Sight, a Lifetime reality show in which single people are paired to get married to strangers, I often hear them say they are ready for a wife, looking for a husband, or need that special someone.

The problem with this language is that it’s so one-sided. It perpetuates the idea that having a spouse is the ultimate goal, as opposed to having a marriage. This is a running occurrence on this show, unfortunately.

Too many single people, those looking to be married, don’t think about what kind of husband or wife they want to be or what type of marriage they want to have. Don’t go into a marriage, or any kind of relationship, expecting to get serviced without putting in work of your own. And don’t expect your significant other to just fit neatly into the life you’ve already created.

Marriage is work because you are signing up to learn what someone needs and most times that means making adjustments in your own life to fit those needs. Sometimes it means finding your voice and being honest with yourself about where you’re falling short. Either way, don’t ever think that your spouse is the only one responsible for making your marriage successful.

What Will Be New in 2022?

I don’t make resolutions.

It’s too hard to remember them all and then you’re wracked with guilt for not keeping them It’s just a vicious cycle that I want no parts of.

But I do want to remember the good parts of 2021.

Yes, it was the year of some death and grieving and depression and bad days and worse days. But I have to take the time to remember that it wasn’t all bad.

I started a new job after being laid off for the third time. My babies started at a new school in a new state and they adjusted better than I thought they would.

I grew my YouTube channel and increased my presence on social media. I gained new clients who trusted me with editing their manuscripts.

I hopped on a plane and visited a state I’ve never been to before. I fulfilled a dream of visiting the National Football League’s Pro-Football Hall of Fame museum and then was able to get a floor seat to the enshrinement ceremony!

My best friend, who has lived overseas for almost a decade, finally came back to the states. And a close relationship I once thought was long over, has been brought back from the dead.

And while I don’t typically go out to bring in the new year, I was able to sip some wine, kiss my husband, and make love to celebrate us making it to another year together.

For this new year, my goal is to take time to experience joy every single day, no matter how big or small. I will lean into all of my feelings but I will not allow myself to drown in the negative.

I will continue to journal and work on my personal writing projects, with the hope that I can complete at least one project this year.

I will continue to take time for myself, even if that means not returning a phone call or two.

I will smile and laugh, loud and obnoxiously, just because I can. And it will be great.

And on the last day

Christmas Day, she rested.

On the 1st day of Christmas

I realized how much effort it takes to just show up. The act of smiling or engaging in conversation when you’re not up to it is positively exhausting.

But I tried my best.

On the 2nd day of Christmas

I shared with my little big boy, the gift of Home Alone.

I haven’t watched this move in over 30 years but I remembered enough to know that my 12-year-old had to see it.

My husband and I recently had a conversation about exposing our son to more mature content, nothing crazier than PG-13 of course. But with him having a younger sibling, he typically reads or watches things that are below his age and grade level.

So I decided to lead him away from cartoons for the night, and we settled in to watch this 1990 Christmas classic.

And he loved it!

On the 3rd day of Christmas

I made the #FancyForty decision to stop short changing myself.

When it comes to my services (editing, writing, counseling/mentoring, etc.), I always get a little funny when it comes to charging people. To use Spades terms, I always underbid.

But I finally understand and accept and demand that my time be compensated. Any work I do for others, is time spent away from my own projects, my family, and my own personal time.

And the funds paid to me go towards my future and the future of my family.

Proud of myself for FINALLY standing firm in my worth.

On the 4th day of Christmas

I talked to one of my very best friends and let another person in on my mental turmoil. It’s getting easier and easier to let my guard down and let the people who love me get a bigger look into my mind.

Starting reading a new book and giving myself the chance to really dive in and get lost in the pages.

On the 5th day of Christmas

I drove through a tunnel of electric snowflakes and waved at Dorothy and the Scarecrow as they headed toward an illuminated Emerald City.

It was my last trip to look at holiday lights with my Baby Hawks. We drove through a 2-mile display with the car lights off and it felt magical.

On the 6th day of Christmas

I spent the day fulfilling my dream of looking like a horse. I sat in the salon chair and got my locs retwisted and piled on the top of my head in the shape of a mohawk. A new look for me, but I’m loving it.