Monthly Archives: September 2016

Traveling the World of Disorders I

Notice in the title it says “disorders” and not “disorder.” For those that know me best, this is not a blog about my aversion to anything disorganized or out of order. Instead, this blog is about a frustration and a fear that I have written or hinted about before.

To sum up his past, my little big boy, now seven, has had a history of teachers and specialists suspecting him of having autism. He was tested by his doctor at the age of 4 and by a team of professionals at his school when he was 5. Everyone agreed that he exhibited some symptoms on the autism spectrum but was not “technically” autistic.

When I thought he could potentially be autistic, the first thing I did was…nothing. I was afraid that if I researched it I would think only the worst or get confused about what my next move should be. I left it up to the experts to tell me the fate of my child and I realize now that maybe that wasn’t the best way to handle things.

I took their word that he was “fine” and decided not to worry anymore. I was so fearful of how future teachers or friends or institutions would treat him if he had any sort of label on him. Now I see that my own fear for him could have possibly hindered his progress.

There aren’t any overly big signs of anything being “wrong.” He has friends, loves to laugh, and enjoys every facet of his life. But there are little things that I have seen but chosen to ignore in hopes that he is just going through a phase. Little things that I tell him he shouldn’t do, for fear someone will talk about him if he did them in public. I make him only do them in the house so as not to raise any red flags. I am just now realizing that in forcing him to hide a piece of himself, I may also be inciting shame. Being a mommy is all about learning to do the best for your children, and it is not without its mistakes.

Punishments are not the answer. Spankings are not the answer. And I am tired of waiting for a teacher to call me with yet another report and I am tired of constantly reminding him not to do certain things. It’s not fair to him and it is draining on me.

So, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I am going to look deeper into autism with a special focus on Asperger’s syndrome. I am going to meet with a specialist and figure out the best way to deal with his behaviors. I will not subject him to any more testing until I figure out, for myself, what’s going on. I will be the advocate my son needs and I will fight for him and with him to make sure he gets what he needs. I will not allow my own fear to stop him from being himself or stop me from celebrating everything that makes him special.

 

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The Latest Anniversary

Last year, one of my most popular video blogs on Mom of Two Wife of One was about my two year anniversary. I discussed some of the things I had learned about marriage and about myself during that time and it was one of my most personal vlogs to date.

My three year anniversary was last week and while I did not do another video I did have a revelation.

Each year for our anniversary, or for any special occasions, I think about these lavish and romantic and somewhat inexpensive ways for us to celebrate. If I had my way, for our anniversary we would have dropped the babies off somewhere for the weekend and traveled a couple hours South. I researched a nice hotel that offered a casino for him and shopping for me during the day and a couples massage and romantic dinner at night for both of us. Our nights were going to be filled with some sexy alone time where we could let our inhibitions disappear and not have to worry about waking up one of the babies.

I had it ALL planned out and was so intent on finding a way to make it happen. Needless to say, life intervened. My unemployment funds ran out in August and without that extra money, all of our resources had to go to monthly bills, food, and Back to School shopping. The day of our anniversary, I went to Back to School Night at our son’s school while my hubby went bowling with his league so we didn’t even see a lot of each other that day.

I was not as disappointed as I originally thought I would be. Have you ever given advice to someone, only to have those words thrown back in your face when the shoe is on the other foot? I had one of those moments.

In one of my vlogs, I talked about the importance of valuing the marriage over the wedding. Many brides dedicate more time to making their wedding this colossal event with the right napkins, food, music, etc. but do not put the same effort towards their marriage. I told my audience to remember that the wedding is just one day but that marriage is meant to last a lifetime. Have your priorities in order and put energy towards what really matters.

My wedding anniversary is just one day of hopefully thousands of days that my husband and I will spend together. It signifies the day we stood before God and declared that we would spend the rest of our lives loving each other and making each other happy. I realized that it is more important to me that he and I have a steady date night where we get the chance to focus on our marriage. This is the chance when we get to take off our “mommy” and “daddy” hats and just be husband and wife. Whether this time is for a few hours or overnight, it is important to both of us that we make time for each other.

So on my anniversary, there was no romantic dinner. There were no flowers, cards, or balloons. There was no sexy alone time with my husband. But the bills were paid, we have food in the fridge, and in a couple weeks we’ll have a date night just the two of us. And that’s enough reason to celebrate.

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