Monthly Archives: January 2014

Fears of (not-so) New Motherhood

I sometimes have the fear that my daughter will not love me as much as she will love her daddy. Traditionally, daddies and daughters have a unique bond in the same way that mommies and sons do. I can remember all the times that I was angry with my mother and would shut her out by locking myself up in my room and refusing to speak to her. In my teenage, and sometimes my adult, mind, she didn’t understand me or what i was going through. I am over 30 and at times I still have problems talking to her about my deepest fears and anything that goes beyond a surface level emotion. She expressed to me plenty of times how my behavior hurt her but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. My daughter will grow up to be just as mean and as heartless as I was and can still sometimes be. She will hurt my feelings and make me question if she will ever love me as much as I love her. She will hurt me to the point where I may dislike her and possibly resent her for making me question my own parenting skills. I take some consolation in knowing that at least in my oldest child I will have at least one child that loves and likes me. 

Her daddy will be her hero and her mommy, me, will be her annoyance. I suppose there is really no way to predict this but also I’m not sure if there is any way to void it either. Only time will tell. 

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