Monthly Archives: May 2019

My Ovaries, My Choice

All around the world, Abortion Law Bans have been a heavy topic of discussion due in part to news coming out of Georgia and Alabama about anti-abortion efforts. When you get a chance, please start paying attention to the news coverage. The shortened version is that there are a bunch of men who want to decide whether a woman can be penalized for an abortion and the possible punishment of a doctor who performs the procedure.

Why is it anyone’s business what a woman does to her body?

In Georgia, they are arguing that an abortion can be performed until the doctor detects the heartbeat, around six weeks. In Alabama, any doctor that performs an abortion could face up to 99 years in prison. In Texas, in April, there were talks about any woman getting an abortion could possibly be charged for manslaughter.

Again, why is this anyone’s business?

I want to be clear. This post will not be about the morality of abortion. The point is that these lawmakers, mostly White men, are creating laws that in no way impact them. Why does a man get to punish women for making a personal decision about their own bodies? Why do they care?

What pisses me off the most is that there is next to no stipulations for a situation involving rape or incest. If a woman gets pregnant as the result of a rape, why should she be forced to keep a constant reminder of such a horrific experience?

My worry is for people who are overly determined not to have a baby who may go to extreme measures to get rid of the fetus. And for these women who are forced to have these babies they don’t want, now you have children being raised in a home with a neglectful and resentful mother. These children grow up not feeling loved and experiencing emotional and sometimes physical abuse.

When it comes to getting an abortion, it should be the sole responsibility and decision of that one woman. None of these lawmakers will be on hand to assist with morning sickness or a complicated pregnancy or any of the stresses and worries that go along with having a baby so their opinions should not be forced on people.

Never thought I’d say these words, but this is why it is so important to research the people running for office at the local as well as the national levels.

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I had a conversation recently with two older women about marriage and how it’s viewed by my generation as opposed to my grandmother’s generation. The consensus was, wives back in the day put up with a lot more from their husbands while women today throw in the towel too easily.

They told me of a woman who was married to her husband for years whom she had children by. He had an affair that produced another child and when he died, the extramarital child and mother attended the funeral. The wife knew of the affair as the mistress called the house regularly (this was long before people had separate phone lines and cell phones).

When I asked why she didn’t leave him, the conversation morphed into people deciding for themselves what they will and will not put up with in a marriage. For some women, cheating is seen as second nature but they will not tolerate a man being abusive. For others, cheating is the big no-no but a push or shove every once in a while is excusable.

All of this made me wonder, when it comes to marriage in 2019: are we giving up too soon or have our values changed? (and yes, I heard this as a Carrie Bradshaw monologue in my head).

I think the easy answer to this question is that our values have changed but I think that’s a result of an increase of options, especially for women, if they decide to leave their husbands. Back in the day, not every woman was in a position where they could hold down a full-time job. There was no Monster.com or Indeed.com around to help them find a job. And if you’re a mother on top of that, the price of child care on one salary can be more than difficult and the idea of footing the bills by yourself is daunting enough to make someone second guess a divorce.

As for us giving up too easily, I do agree that too many people recognize divorce as an option before they walk down the aisle. But this also comes with some people not being considerate or careful about who they’re marrying and assuming that marriage is not supposed to be accompanied by hard work.

It’s a lot to consider but my overall conclusion is that I can’t really judge someone for the decisions they choose to make in their marriage. It’s even hard for me to say what I would or wouldn’t do if I was faced with those same situations. I don’t think you ever really know how you’re going to react to things until you’re forced to answer the tough questions and make the hard choices.

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