When my son was two years old, I realized that my life was revolved solely around him and around doing things for other people. I had an urge suddenly to do something fun and something just for me. But when I thought about it, I couldn’t think about what was “fun” for me anymore. I was racking my brain trying to figure out what used to make me happy before I became a mommy. And it’s so sad to admit that I couldn’t remember.
I had been so consumed with trying to be a good mother and making sure I did all the right things that it was hard for me to remember what my pre-Mommy years were like. That bothered me a great deal and it wasn’t until my son got older that I started finding my way back.
Before I became a wife, and a mommy, I was just me. And it was “me” that I needed to get back to.
In my journey, I first dissected everything I considered “fun” now and started thinking about who I was doing those things for. I read at least 1-2 books a week. And though I love to read, I was primarily reading and reviewing the books for a magazine. I was constantly running around and going to the library or the park or to mommy meetings and while they were fun, I went there primarily for my son and for his development.
In short, there was nothing in my life that I did just to satisfy myself. I was missing that part of me that needed to serve a purpose. Without that outlet, I couldn’t be the best mommy or wife I could be. I knew my family would want to see me happy and to see my life fulfilled.
I am reading a book now where the wife is going through a divorce and her soon to be ex-husband accused his wife of being too controlling and of making their life miserable. In her inner dialogue, she admitted that everything she did was for her husband and her family. Her tone was almost obsessive and it was clear that she didn’t have or do anything just for herself. It made her husband feel suffocated and left her unfulfilled once he left.
Getting back to “you” just might mean finding a new you. Getting married and having babies changes your priorities and your perspective on things. That journey of getting back to you is ever changing and ever evolving but as long as you don’t abandon it completely, then you’re good.
Don’t be like the woman in the book. Never be so consumed with your family that you lose sight of yourself.