The singer Ciara posted a video from a pastor whose message was about the “girlfriend spirit.” And while some people assumed she was bashing unmarried women, I chose instead to focus on the video’s message.
This is a message I’ve talked about before. In my case, that girlfriend spirit threatens to rear its ugly head in my marriage whenever the hubby gets under my skin or on my nerves.
When you are a girlfriend you willingly say or do whatever is on your mind and, most of the time, with no regard to the other person’s feelings. I think this happens because it’s much easier to leave the relationship when you’re just dating. It’s easy to tell yourself that another man is right around the corner so if your antics makes this man leave, you can always move on to the next situation.
When I was dating my husband, I was insecure, jealous, petty and my love language was sarcasm. (I was never all of these things at once, but having any of these characteristics is exhausting for whoever has to deal with them.) When I got married, I promised myself that if, at any time, my behavior resembled that of a girlfriend, then I needed to stop and reevaluate.
I won’t pretend like I am the perfect wife because there is no such thing. I can admit to some pretty petty behavior just last month. But I realized that a girlfriend will justify her behavior while a wife will quickly come to the conclusion that she is in the wrong and actually apologize. Saying I’m sorry sucks but I’ve gotten more comfortable with admitting fault.
And to be clear, having the girlfriend spirit is not bad if that’s what you want to be. The point of the original video was to speak to those women who long to be wives but are still holding on to girlfriend tendencies.
If being a wife is something you want to be in the future, then you will have to let some stuff go. You will have to change your approach. And you will have to actively decide to let some of that petty stuff go and learn to express yourself in more productive and mature ways.