Monthly Archives: August 2019

The Evolution of Motherhood

The season two finale of Pose and a conversation with my beautiful cousin prompted me to think about the roller coaster of motherhood and the ultimate sign that you have done your job to the fullest.

Motherhood is rewarding and beautiful and blah blah blah. But it’s also annoying, tiresome, and, to be quite honest, it sucks. It’s a job that is neverending and constantly changing to the point where it is often hard to keep up.

In Pose, the house mother Blanca faces an empty nest as her “children” have gone on to live lives of their own. In the final scene, the attributes of her children are listed and it becomes apparent to the audience, and to Blanca, that this is what being a mother is all about.

It is far too tempting to tie our children’s shoes, make up their beds, cook their meals, and fight their battles until the end of time. That’s what mothers do. We love and protect our young, even when they’re no longer young and can fend for themselves.

Being a mother means that as each season and year passes, you learn to love your children differently. This love may be displayed by teaching them life lessons, giving them extra homework during Christmas break, or not immediately running to them when they fall. It means teaching them how to iron their own clothes, perfect grooming habits, and encourage them to learn more about the world around them.

Everything I do now will shape the kind of man and woman my baby Hawks will grow up to be. I can’t do them a disservice by doing everything for them or by discouraging them from leaving the house and having their own adventures.

I want to grow up to become Blanca. I want the satisfaction of sitting back and hearing about my babies’ accomplishments. I want the peace that comes from knowing my children have taken the lessons I’ve taught them and are living by them as well as passing them on.

That is when my job as a mommy will feel complete.

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I’m Feeling Sexy

If some of you know me personally or seen a picture of me on my FB page (Mom of 2 Wife of One), then you know that I am a thick chick, full of curves and dips and softness. As a thick chick, it is easy to fall into a trap of comparing yourself to others and falling short because you’re not the “right” size. You get frustrated when clothes just don’t feel right and shopping excursions, that most women look forward to, fill your heart with dread.

My self-esteem has gone up and down since I was around eight and my body started to develop. I have moments where I am cool with the skin I’m in and then there are times when I cringe when I look down and see my large breasts winking at me.

This week, I realized something. When it comes to feeling confident, it helps immensely to be around positive and confident people. Their energy will inevitably pour into you. I thought about my inner circle and though many of them walk with their head held high, none of them look like me. Seeing a slim or athletic woman strut into a room doesn’t have an impact on me.

But I was recently at a wedding where two of the women were around my size. They smiled. They danced. They owned every space they entered and it was intoxicating to witness. They did not tug at their clothes or walk around with their stomachs sucked in. They did not compare themselves to the women around them. It was evident that they loved every part of themselves and shined with a self-love that inspired me.

Being around them, leading up to the wedding and during the ceremony and reception, renewed my opinion of myself. As of today, I feel sexy. I feel pretty. I feel confident in knowing who I am, what I can do, and what I am bringing to every room and situation I find myself in.

This feeling is so FREEING and I cannot wait to see where this new attitude will lead me.

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