Monthly Archives: January 2020

Stop the Presses, Kobe died?

I had an entirely different blog post in mind that I will still write at a later date. As I write this, it has been 24 hours since the death of Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter and seven others in a helicopter crash. I found out from my cousin while I was sitting in my car working. I tapped into the wifi of a nearby building to verify the news and was stunned.

I sat in my car with tears rolling down my face and I couldn’t understand why. I even sent a text to my high school boyfriend, who was obsessed with Kobe for years, and he expressed his own sadness and disbelief. The last time I cried over a celebrity death was when I found out Prince died and I heard Purple Rain playing on the radio. Again, no idea why these deaths hit as hard as they did.

Let me be clear. I was not a fan of Kobe’s. I actually didn’t have an opinion of him one way or another. I didn’t and still don’t watch basketball and I have no affiliations with L.A. And yet I found myself crying off and on for the rest of the day. Why?

Athletics and philanthropy aside, I mourned the family aspect of things. No matter if you liked him or hated him, my tears were less for him and more for the wife, children, and loved ones he left behind. I cried for that seven-month-old baby who will never know her daddy. For his 17-year-old who won’t see her father at her volleyball games anymore. For the three-year-old who may not understand what’s going on but will still miss her daddy picking her up and smothering her with kisses. And for that wife who has to bury her child.

If you’ve ever seen Steel Magnolias, when Sally Field is forced to bury her daughter she says “I was supposed to go first. I was always supposed to go first.” No parent should ever feel the pain of losing a child. And for Vanessa Bryant to also lose her husband is an entirely different layer of grief.

If you’ve followed me long enough, you know that I love my babies but I also LOVE my husband. The plan is always to grow old together and when that dream is taken from you, you don’t know what to do. You feel cheated and unsure how you will live this new life without your best friend, your partner by your side.

And for the other people who were killed in the accident, they have to now face life without their father, mother, sister, teammate, etc. No one was prepared for this, and I think that’s another reason why it hit me as hard as it did.

I am sad and I feel for everyone who had that connection with Kobe, whether real or imagined, and like everyone else, I will seize every opportunity to hug my hubby and babies tight to me.

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Growing and Evolving

This is an actual conversation I had with my husband:

HIM: Hey babe, just letting you know I’m going out tomorrow night to see my cousin. He thinks I’m ducking him because I haven’t seen him in a while.

ME: Have you been ducking him?

HIM: Honestly, yeah, a little bit.

ME: Why? He hasn’t changed.

HIM: I know but sometimes I’m just not in the mood for the drama.

ME: I get it. Sounds like you’ve grown and he hasn’t.

HIM: Exactly!

Our conversation, in addition to this new decade, reminded me of the growth and change that takes place in our lives year to year, and circumstance to circumstance. Though we are growing and evolving and reaching new heights in our career, business, family, etc., there is no guarantee that the people around you will appreciate or support where you are now.

In my husband’s case, he can choose to not be around his cousin. I am the queen of cutting people off and letting them go when the relationship is not as fulfilling as it once was. But what happens when the person who refuses to accept your growth and change is your spouse?

A spouse should want to support their significant other in their journey; on the flip side, a spouse should be patient as their significant other makes the adjustment.

If my growth results in me speaking up more when before I was quiet, that will be invigorating for me but a brand new me that my husband may not be ready for. Accepting change is never easy and is often uncomfortable for you and for the people impacted by the “new you.”

My suggestion, talk to your spouse about the changes you plan to make in your life as they will be directly and/or indirectly impacted. Give them a grace period to adjust and adapt to your new way of doing things and don’t expect them to grow in the same way. Your growth/change is about you and no one else so don’t be that person trying to get everyone to become vegan or join a church or write the great American novel with you.

The positive outcome of your own development will often lead your spouse to want to make a similar change in their own life. (Now, if they refuse to accept the new version of you it might be time to question if the change is what’s right for you and your family, or if your spouse is still what’s best for you.)

 

 

 

 

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Obligatory New Year Blog

It’s 2020. A new year, a new decade, and another opportunity to make promises to ourselves that we may or may not keep throughout the year. I have never been a big fan of resolutions, though I don’t knock anyone who makes them.

I asked my husband, shortly after the ball dropped, what goals he saw for our family this year. He replied that he preferred to take things one day at a time and not look too far into the future. He and I are total opposites as I tend to look TOO far into the future. Time to find a happy medium.

Instead of creating a long list of things I want to see or accomplish, I think I’d rather just start DOING some things in the hopes that they will be habit forming. I could say every year that I want to lose weight or be more active but words are the easy part. Actually getting out of bed, putting on some leggings and walking out the door is the hard part, and most people don’t make it past the first month of a new year.

One of the things I am planning for my family, and for myself, is more travel. And I want to continue on my personal journey of taking better care of my skin. It’s been fun to experiment with serums and creams and develop a routine that makes me feel good and more responsible.

I didn’t take any real time to reflect on 2019 but I do know that last year was my first time feeling completely confident in my body and my abilities; even my walk is different! Only took me 38 years, but I am finally loving the skin I’m in and that is one thing I sincerely hope will stick around in 2020.

This time last year, I was in the hospital with my daughter. She was admitted on New Year’s Eve and stayed in the hospital for about eight days. At the time, they hadn’t figured out what kind of medicine would work best for her condition. One year later, I brought in the new year with my husband, in our home, while both of our babies were sleeping soundly in their own beds.

No matter what happens this year, I will eternally be grateful that I got to bring in 2020 with the people I love the most.

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